


The Price-brown Brothers

by ShadowCat97



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Asexual Character, Asexual Kevin Price, Gen, How Do I Tag, M/M, The Donut Incident, Whizzer is Jack, just a heads up, oh yeah they're twins btw, their mom is a terrible person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-21 07:25:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15552633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowCat97/pseuds/ShadowCat97
Summary: Whizzer and Kevin (and co) living their lives and shit before and after the events of the musicals. Except Whizzer doesn't die because I. I just can't.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This literally popped into my head and would not leave me alone, so I had to write it. This is the first work I've ever actually posted and I am terrified. constructive criticism would be very much appreciated.

Kevin couldn't sleep. The little 5-year-old tossed and turned in the too large bed. He was so used to being able to feel his twin brother's back behind him as he slept. Without that presence he couldn't get comfortable. He turned again and gazed at Jack's bed, with Jack snoring softly atop it snuggled under the blanket. Kevin wanted so badly to crawl in bed with him and go to sleep, but he didn't want to wake up Jack. Besides, Mamma said they were getting to old to sleep in the same bed anymore. Kevin sighed and got up to go to the kitchen. Maybe a glass of water would make him sleepy?

_Then again, being sleepy isn't the problem _, he thought as he yawned loudly, walking down stairs carefully. His eyes had long adjusted to the darkness of the house, so he didn't fell the need to flick the light switch as he grabbed the stool labeled Kids. His parents had taught him and Jack to use it instead of having to ask for help. He got a cup from the cupboard and opened the fridge for the water jug. As his small hands closed around the sides of jug, his eyes fell on the box of doughnuts his parents had bought that morning and he paused.__

____

He grabbed a maple doughnut trying not to feel guilty. He hadn't asked, after all, if he could have one, but he didn't think it would be a big deal. He ate it quickly and poured his water after, then went back to his room sipping it. He crawled back into bed silently, put the glass, half-full, down on the small table between the two beds, and tried to go back to sleep. His body finally succumbed to exhaustion twenty minutes later. \---------- 

“Kevin, Jack, wake up”, his father ordered, not harshly, not kind either. Kevin shifted slightly, but he was tired. He didn't wanna get up. He must have said as much because his father sighed, impatiently. He didn't wanna make him mad, so he sat up with some effort and forced his eyes open. He looked over at jack, who was doing the same and blinking dazedly, looking out of it. Suffice to say, the boys were not easy risers. 

____

“Get dressed, and come down stairs. Your mother and I want to talk to you both”, he said, coldly, before turning and walking out of the room.

____

Confused, they both dressed quickly and clumsily before going down to the living room, where their parents were sitting. Their mother tutted when she saw their clothes. No doubt, they would have to change later until she was satisfied with their outfits. She was pregnant and...moody, lately. When he saw them, their father stood and said, “Sit down, boys.”

____

They were starting to get scared now, but they climbed on the couch hesitantly. “Are we in trouble for something”, Jack asked quietly, afraid to speak in more than a whisper. The air was tense and he didn't know why. 

____

Noticing his sons' fear, he smiled slightly, trying to calm them. He didn't want them to fear him, just respect him. “You're only in trouble if you've done something you weren't supposed to. Have you?”

____

“No”, both Jack and Kevin said simultaneously.

____

“So, neither of you ate one of the doughnuts in the fridge last night?”

____

Kevin twitched, but said, “No”, again, along with Jack.

____

“Well, there's a doughnut missing, and we know it was one of you two, because we didn't eat it. So, which one of you was it? Or, did you share it? We're not angry because you ate a doughnut. They're easily replaceable. We are angry that you ate it without permission. You should always ask before you take something that doesn't belong to you. Do you boys understand?”

____

They nodded.

____

“Good. Now, I don't want to be lied to again. Who ate it?”

____

Kevin hesitated. He didn't want to lie;lying was wrong. But, he didn't want to get in trouble either.

____

“Kevin, do you have something to say? You're fidgeting quite a bit”, his mother interrupted his thoughts. 

____

“What does that mean? Fid-fij-fi- that word?”

____

“Fidgeting? It means you look guilty”, his mother clarified.

____

“Oh, I'm not. It's just. I, isawjackleavetheroomlastnight.” He didn't mean to say that, he panicked. But, he couldn't take it back now. 

____

“What!?”

____

His father nodded decisively. “Jack, you shouldn't have lied to us. Now, go to your room until we sort out a proper punishment.”

____

“But, that's not fair! I didn't-”

____

“I don't want to hear it young man. Now go!”

\----------

“Jack”, Kevin tried tentatively. They'd been sitting on their respective beds in silence for ten minutes. Kevin was sent up to their room along with Jack so their parents could 'discuss punishment'. Jack wouldn't talk to him.

____

“Jack? Please, I'm-”

____

“You lied.”

____

“I know. I'm sorry.”

____

“You go to Hell for lying. Andrew said so, remember? It's in the Bible.” Andrew was their eldest brother, who was thirteen. He was staying at a friends house for the weekend.

____

Just then, their father walked in. “Jack, are you ready to apologize for lying?”

____

Jack glared at Kevin, then turned that glare on their father. “I didn't do anything.”

____

Their father just sighed sadly. “I had hoped you were done with this childish act. Your mother and I have decided you'll be grounded for two weeks.”

____

He realized years later, that didn't really mean anything. They were five. All play dates were supervised and they didn't have any video games. Jack also wasn't all that strong of a reader yet, either. Plus, he couldn't be separated from Kevin because they shared a room, so what could he be grounded from? But at the time, he was drowning in guilt.

____

That night, he dreamt of flames.

\----------

They were twelve when they started Sunday school with all the other good little Mormon boys and girls. Over the years they learned how Christ was their savior, how He was always watching and they would be punished if they broke any of the rules(of which, there were a lot), and they should atone for any and all sins committed or they would go to hell and never get their paradise planet. There was more than just fire and brimstone, but that was what Jack focused on.

____

Kevin loved the church. He excelled at being a Mormon and everyone loved him for it. And because everyone loved him he loved the church more and more and became even better causing everyone to love him more. It was like a viscous cycle. Jack hated it. He felt like he was losing his brother. Plus it was interrupting his practicing for the baseball team.

____

Not just because of that, though, did he hate it. He hated the church in general. He didn't agree with anything they said and he definitely didn't agree with the 'Christ is always watching' thing. It sounded stupid and just creepy. It reminded him of Santa Clause, especially because of the punishment part. He took to their family's Jewish side much more easily, and felt like he'd wake up in a bed of coals one day.

____

Not to mention that other thing...

\----------

“I'm gay.”

____

They were fourteen when Jack officially became the outcast of the family.

\----------

They both got jobs when they turned fifteen. 'To save up the money needed for the mission' was what Kevin said. Jack just went along with that because Kevin had always wanted to go on a mission and expected Jack to as well. Everyone expected that of him, no one ever asked if he even wanted to. And while Kevin occasionally spent some of that money for random things here and there(mostly his Disney obsession), the only thing Jack ever bought was camera.

\----------

Kevin was sick with the Flu. So while he was dying(or felt like it anyway) Jack let him curl around him in one bed and let him marathon Disney movies. The only time he acted like this was when he was either really sick or really sad. However, he was asleep when their mother walked in carrying a bowl of chicken soup and saw them wrapped around each other. She grimaced.

____

“You shouldn't...sit like that.”

____

That gave jack pause. They shouldn't sit like this? They've always been close like this. What does she...wait.

____

“Why? Don't want me corrupting him? It doesn't work like that, you know”, he asked snidely. He made sure to keep his voice down in case he woke up Kevin. He hated her. Kevin and Andrew were the only two people in his family he could stand to be around anymore.

____

Their mother walked across the room and set down the bowl on their nightstand. She scoffed, “I'm not worried you'll turn him homosexual”, she said, not bothering to keep her voice down, “Kevin is the perfect Mormon. We couldn't be prouder of him.” She straightened up and turned back to him, “However, if you're going to use someone they should at least know about it.”

____

“...What”, she couldn't possibly? Right? “He's my brother.”

____

“Exactly. It's disgusting.” She looked vaguely green at the thought, but he could tell she was only saying this to get to him. 

____

“What, do you think I'd want to fuck anything with a dick?! My brothers? Dad?!”

____

She turned up her nose at him as if he was less than the dirt on the bottom of her shoes. “How would I know what you people want?”

____

He wanted so badly to scream at her. How could she say that? Did she not even think of him as family anymore? It was the first time he'd ever wanted to punch someone. But, he didn't. For one, it was his mother. Two, Kevin was sleeping on his shoulder. So, he didn't do either of those things. He simply got up, placed Kevin carefully down on the pillow(Thank God they were both such hard sleepers), and left. He walked out of the room, he walked out of the house, and left.

____

He hated her. _He hated her _. He hated all of them.__

______ _ _

He didn't come back until well after nightfall.

\----------

“I'm leaving.”

______ _ _

“What?”

______ _ _

“As soon as we graduate, I'm leaving. We're eighteen, now. They can't stop me.”

______ _ _

“You can't just go. What about-”

______ _ _

“Kevin. She accused me of wanting to sleep with you.” They both knew who she was. He didn't have to ask.

______ _ _

“...Ok, how can I help?”

______ _ _

For the first time in nearly a year, he grinned.

\----------

“So, you have everything? All your clothes, Camera, phone?” While Kevin didn't want him to leave, he knew why he had to. But, it felt like they'd never see each other again, as stupid as he knew it was.

______ _ _

Jack gestured to the duffel bag on his shoulder. “Yep. I got all the money I've been saving up out of the bank. There's nearly five grand there, so I'll be getting a new phone. I don't want them being able to track me. I'll text you so you have the number. And,”, he hesitated, “I, I'll be changing my name, too. For good measure.”

______ _ _

“I...oh, have you decided on a name, yet?”

______ _ _

Jack smiled. “No, but I'll tell you when I do. With that new phone.” 

______ _ _

Kevin nodded absently and grabbed Jack in a fierce hug. “Please, don't do anything stupid. I don't want to lose you.”

______ _ _

Jack smiled sadly, “Hey, come on, Super Mormon, cheer up. I'm not gonna die. I'm just going to travel for a bit. You're going on that mission of yours to do 'something incredible', remember? Hell, maybe you'll become the next Joseph Smith.” That got Kevin to laugh, anyway. “We'll write letters as often as we're able, and you'll call on our birthday every year until you get back, okay, little brother?”

______ _ _

Kevin laughed again, “You're four minutes older than me.”

______ _ _

“Exactly, so I'm four minutes wiser, and I know everything will be alright.”

\----------

Kevin got the text while he was packing for the mission. He was going to Uganda with possibly the strangest mission companion he could have gotten. He was hoping to go to Orlando for his mission because while yes, it's _Orlando _, it was mostly because he wanted to still be in the same country as Jack, even if he didn't know what state he was in.__

________ _ _ _ _

_Hey it's me. I got my new phone. And name. Whizzer Brown. What do you think? ___

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

He didn't really have to think on that one.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

_What kind of a name is Whizzer?_

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you liked it or want it continued or what have you. Or if you absolutely hated it tell me that too. I put a lot of research into this (I know it doesn't seem like it, but if anyone's curious, I could tell you). Oh, and, that 'everything will be alright' thing at the end was a total accident, but I love happy accidents like that so I kept it.
> 
> EDIT: IT'S BEING CONTINUED


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I promised, I have decided to continue this. This chapter is extremely dialogue heavy.

 

“ _So, I may have started a cult.”_

“A cult? You've been there less than a year, Kevin. How'd that happen?”

“ _It's not a cult, Kevin”_ , he heard through the phone.

“Who was that?”

“ _Hm? Oh, that was Arnold. My mission companion? Remember, I told you about him.”_

“Oh, right, right, so how and when did you start a cult?”

“ _Um, about a week into my mission, and I'm not entirely sure how to be honest. I wasn't actually there.”_

“So, you started a cult without actually being present? You know, somehow, that's not what I meant when I said you were going to do something incredible on your mission.”

“ _It's not actually a cult. And, strictly speaking, I'm not the one who did it. Arnold is.”_

“It's not a cult? Then what is it?”

“...”

“Kevin?”

“ _We were excommunicated for starting our own religion.”_

There were so many things to break down from that, it was difficult to find out where to start.

So he laughed instead.

“ _It's not funny, Whizzer!”_

“It's hilarious actually”, he laughed. “I'm sorry for your loss”, he said in a mock serious voice.

“ _Are you not concerned at all?”_

“Kevin, I've been worried sick since you told me you'd be going to Africa, and I know it must be terrifying to be there without the support of the church, but come on! You got kicked out of the church because you started a _new_ church.” He couldn't be the only one that found that funny, could he? “And, why are you only telling me this now, if it happened within your first week of being there?!”

“ _I've been trying to figure out a way to broach the subject. And, it's more like we started a new church because we got kicked out of the last one, but that's a story for another day 'cause I have to go. Connor's calling me to come help with the kids. Apparently, it's difficult to teach kids English when you don't speak their native language, so I've been helping him.”_

“...You don't speak Swahili, either, Kevin.”

“ _Yeah, that's the difficult part. Nabalungi has been translating.”_

“Nabalungi that girl that Arnold's dating?”

“ _No, but I bet you anything they will be by the end of the year.”_

“So, if Nabalungi is translating, then why are you there?”

“ _...Shut up.”_

“Alright, go hang out with your boyfriend.”

Whizzer could practically _feel_ Kevin rolling his eyes. _“He's not-”_

“Yeah, but you want him to be. Now, don't keep him waiting. If he's as hot as you tell me he is, you've been an idiot not to ask him out already.”

“ _I told you. It's complic-.”_

“ _You coming, Kevin”,_ the disembodied voice of, Whizzer was assuming Connor, asked from the other end of the phone.

“ _Yeah, hang on. Bye, Whizzer. I'll see you when I get back to the states, right?”_

“Of course! When is that?” He hadn't seen Kevin since he himself had left home nearly a year and a half ago, six months before Kevin left on his mission.

Kevin sighed, _“I don't actually know. We're kinda stuck here at the moment.”_

“Are you going to stay for the rest of your two years, at least?”

“ _Yeah, probably. Like I said, stuck here.”_

“Well, tell you what. When you do get back, let's take a vacation.”

“ _A vacation? To where?”_

“Kevin, you'll be coming home from _Africa_. Where do ya think?”

“ _...Orlando?”_

“Yes, Orlando!”

 

__________________________________

 

“You didn't have to hang up, you know? If I had known you were on the phone, I wouldn't have called you out here.”

Kevin chuckled lightly, “It's fine. He told me to go, anyway.”

“You shouldn't put me before your family, though. We don't get many chances to talk to them.” He paused and sighed heavily, shoulders drooping. “Especially now.”

Kevin cast his gaze to the ground. He could feel the African sun beating down on them and wanted nothing more then to go back inside. It wasn't much cooler in the missionaries( _Ex-_ missionaries, he still had to keep reminding himself of that) hut, but at least it was out of the sun.

“It's fine, Connor. I'll see him when we get back, anyway.”

“Yeah, but we don't know when that will be. Plus, you actually get along with your family, which is more than I can say for mine.”

“No, I don't.”

“What do you mean? You seemed pretty happy on the phone.”

“I 'get along' with my brothers. The rest of my family?” He scoffed.

“...How big is your family?”

“Well, let's see. There's Whizzer and Andrew. Those are my brothers.”

They'd been walking rather slowly as it was, but at that Connor stopped all together. He heard that wrong, right? “ _Whizzer_? That is not a _name_ , is it?”

“No”, Kevin laughed, “It's a...nickname. That's who I was on the phone with. Anyway, they're both older than me”, _technically_ , “Then, there's our younger sisters. Ashley, Brittany, and Mariah. And our parents, of course.”

“Wow. So, typical Mormon family, huh?” Connor only had one older sister and his father. His mom left when he was seven. He didn't know why, and he hadn't heard from her since. He assumed they got a divorce, but she hadn't even tried to take him or his sister with her. He couldn't even imagine growing up in that crowded a home.

“Yeah”, he said sheepishly, “We also had extended family visit occasionally.”

“And you only like two of them? Why?”

Kevin winced. He didn't really want to explain _everything_. Would Whizzer mind him telling Connor the basics, though? Connor is gay, too. Surely, he'd understand.

 “Hey, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I get it, family is”, he hesitated, trying to find the appropriate word, “difficult.

Kevin smiled gratefully and shook his head. “No, it's fine. Whizzer's gay and they made his life a living Hell. He was my best friend growing up, and I just never forgave them. Andrew never treated him any differently, so...yeah.”

“Ah, yeah, I definitely get that.”

Connor had been doing a lot better about 'turning it off' lately. He didn't flinch at the word, anymore. He'd even told his dad over the phone that he was going to stop trying to force himself to be straight. That hadn't gone as well as he'd hoped. They had sat in silence long enough for Connor to think the call had cut out. He'd just about hung up when his dad told him never to call him again. It hurt. He'd never really been close to his dad before, so he didn't think it would, but he was wrong.

“Hey, I've an idea! Why don't you and Arnold come with us on vacation when we get back to America?”

“What? Wouldn't you want to spend time with your brothers when you get back? Why would you ask us to come?”

“Connor, you and Arnold _are_ my brothers. Besides, Andrew's probably no even gonna be there. He met this girl on his mission. He was sent to Arizona, and ended up staying there. And, if they're serious, at all, Whizzer's going to end up bringing his latest boyfriend. If he even has one, but, I mean, he usually does. So, what do you say?”

Connor was staring at the ground, his bangs having grown out _just_ long enough, were covering his eyes, shoulders hunched and shaking. Kevin's eyes widened, panicked. Was he crying?

“Connor? What's wrong?”

“How could you say that”, he asked, shakily.

“Wha? What did I say?”

“How could you call me your brother when I treated you so horribly when you first got here? I was so callous when you walked in covered in _blood._ I was so obsessed with getting baptisms that I abandoned you when you needed the guidance I was literally sent here to give. So, how could you possibly consider me your family?”

Connor could understand how he could call Arnold his brother. Those two were practically attached at the hip. But him?

“Connor”, Kevin said just for the sake of saying it, “I'll admit, that was a shitty thing to do.” Connor flinched and lifted his head. He wasn't actually crying, thank God. “But, I've gotten over it.”

Maybe not what happened afterward, but he wasn't going to mention that. Besides, that was his own fault, not Connor's.

“I can't honestly say I would have done something different, either. I was a prideful, self-important ass and we both know it. The only difference was you didn't care who got the baptisms, where I did.”

“I shouldn't have just abandoned you.”

“No, you shouldn't have. But, like I said, I got over it a long time ago. I wish you could, too. So, do you want to come?”

Connor sighed and let a small smile flit across his face. “Alright. I'll come _if_ Whizzer says he wants me to.”

“Awesome! I'll have to tell him soon as possible,” he cheered, "and ask Arnold."

“Where are we going, anyway?”

“ _Orlando_ ”, Kevin exclaimed giddily with the same enthusiasm a five year old might use if they were going to Build-a-Bear. It lit up his face like seemingly nothing else could. Connor could only stare.

“Of course we are”, he said, laughing.

 

______________________

 

He was dreaming. Again. He knew he was dreaming because he'd had this dream almost every night since...since, since that day. It always followed the exact same path.

He was standing in the middle of the village, Arnold right next to him. They were singing about the Book of Mormon. This dream always involved singing. At first, it was about the book. Joseph Smith, Moroni, the first Mormons, the first story any Mormon child hears from the church. But, then it changed. They(there was a whole ensemble in his head. It was kinda weird.) were singing about him, now. He was calling himself the next Voice of God because he was just that _goddamn cocky._

Next thing he knew, he was covered in blood. Blood that belonged inside the man who was currently bleeding out on the ground. On him. _He was covered in a dying man's blood._ He'd been shot because of Kevin's hubris. Or, at least, that's how the dream was staged to make it seem. (Listen to him. He sounded like Connor whenever he talked about Broadway.)

And then, they were in the missionaries' hut and he was talking about a transfer. Connor tried to kiss him. (He couldn't remember if that actually happened, or if it was just part of the dream. Part of him hoped it was just the dream. He was _covered in blood. Ew.)_

He was yelling at Arnold. Arnold, who didn't deserve it. He was just trying to help, to be there for him, like a _friend_. A best friend. And, he took all of his shock and anger out on him. (He doesn't deserve Arnold. Arnold doesn't deserve him.) The utter devastation on his face, when he said he was _stuck_ with him was enough to break his heart.

Somehow, he got it into his head that if he could convert the man who _literally_ just shot a man less than an hour ago, it would solve all of his problems.

And, although he's forced to relive these memories every night, mercifully, his brain always allowed him to wake up before... _before._

According to his wristwatch, it was three in the morning. Right on schedule. Kevin's heart was beating so hard and so fast he couldn't, with a hundred percent certainty, tell you it wasn't about to beat out of his chest. Breathing just as hard and fast as his heart, Kevin turned his head to face the opposite side of the room. Arnold was sleeping peacefully, just as he does every night.

Kevin laid there in the darkness of the room, and cried silently just as  _he_ does every night

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's official. I fucking hate Ao3's bullshit formatting system. I do exactly what it tells me to do to italicize things and sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. I give up! Just know that the first part is in Whizzer's PoV and he's talking to Kevin on the phone.
> 
> EDIT: I FIGURED IT OUT. EVERYTHING IS FIXED! I WIN!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

Kevin didn't know what to do. He wanted to go home, and he would, no matter how much he didn't want to face what awaited him. His two years were up, and his mother had sent him a letter with four measly words written down. It was sitting next to the plane ticket they'd each gotten from the mission president. He'd said he still had to provide them with a way home. He couldn't just leave them stranded in Africa.

_We need to talk._

That was it. That was all his mother's letter said. And, that could mean a lot of things. The most obvious of which is the excommunication. Or starting a new religion based off of Mormonism with bits of pop culture sprinkled in. He was still trying to wrap his head around that one, himself. He didn't want to talk about it with his _mother._ He had hard enough time talking to her about the weather, let alone religion. There was a worse option, though, that his brain couldn't help supplying.

Somehow, she found out about his ~~crush~~ _feelings_ for Connor.

Don't ask him how this would have happened. He doesn't know, but he couldn't help thinking about it. She would kick him out on the streets. She wouldn't let him leave of his own accord, like Whizzer. She would disown him.

And listen, it's not like he _wants_ to live with his parents when he gets back, and he didn't get along with them anyway, but they were still his parents, his little sisters. He'd never see them again, if they found out. Maybe it would make a difference if he said he didn't want to have _sex_ with Connor. He could try the 'turn it off' solution. Not literally, but just tell them he was? He wasn't a very good liar, if he was being honest. But, hey, maybe it wasn't actually about that. Maybe it was just the excommunication.

Who was he kidding? He was screwed either way.

Arnold had been sitting on his bed for a while, quietly. Something Kevin forgot he could do most of the time. He'd been lost in thought, so Kevin would be lying, if he said he didn't jump when Arnold suddenly sat up and said, in his usually boisterous voice, “Hey, buddy?”

And yes, if Kevin was asked, he would lie his ass off. “Yeah”, he asked, heart racing in his chest.

“I've been thinking about this verse I want to add to Book. Well, revising a part of the old book, I guess. Leviticus?”

Kevin stiffened. Why that? Actually, that is a stupid question. More like: Why now? Of all times, when he's in the middle of a possible crisis at home. Had they just gotten that close that Kevin was an open book, now, or was Arnold a fucking psychic?

“Ok, which part?” There were other things in Leviticus, after all. They never seem to be acknowledged because that is the _big_ one, but still.

“Kevin? Look, you're my best friend, but you remember that I know you're not stupid, right? Unless, you are and somehow managed to fool us all.” It was amazing how confident he'd become after also becoming prophet. In certain aspects, anyway. He still blushed anytime Nabalungi even touched his hand. It was cute, but also sickening.

And, yeah, maybe he deserved that one.

“Ah, yeah. What did you want to revise it _to_?” He probably didn't even have to ask, but it might break his heart if his best friend was as bigoted as his family. Kevin knew he wasn't, but it couldn't hurt to make sure.

Arnold raised an eyebrow. As if to say: _Really?_

“Homosexuality shouldn't be considered a sin. But, we are in _Uganda_. I don't know if I should or not. I don't know how they'd take to it, and I wanted your opinion.”

“You realize that on your own, or did Nabalungi point that out?” He loved Arnold. Really, he did. But, he could be...oblivious. And, judging by the sheepish look on his face he'd hit the nail on the head.

“Nala did.” Nala had became a nickname of sorts. Arnold could pronounce Nabalungi's name, now. Kevin had seen him do it. “But, it _was_ my idea.”

“If you actually want my opinion and aren't just using this as an important conversation starter”, Kevin gave a pointed look, “I'd say go for it. If they accept fucking a frog to cure aids, they'd probably go with anything so long as _you_ said it.”

Arnold smiled. “Can it be both? I just wanted you to know that I don't care about your giant crush on McKinley.”

Kevin was lucky he wasn't eating anything, right now. As it was, he inhaled sharply, choked on air, and then sat there coughing for a solid ten seconds.

“How do you know about that? I never told anyone” , he wheezed. Kevin could feel his face heating up, and hoped it wasn't _too_ noticeable.

“Kevin, everyone in the village knows about your crush on Connor, except Connor”, Arnold said as if he were talking to a child. And since when was _he_ the child in this relationship?!

 _Since always,_ his brain replied rather unhelpfully.

“ _Seriously?!”_

“If it helps I didn't know until Nala told me”, Arnold said, apologetically. “She doesn't care either”, he added as an afterthought.

Kevin buried his head in his pillow and curled into a ball. “What am I gonna do”, he groaned.

“Um, crazy thought, I know, but why can't you just tell him? It did me wonders.”

“I can't tell him, because I'm not gay!”

Silence permeated the room for a bit after that.

“...You're not trying to turn it off, are you?”

“No, it's not that. It, it's complicated”, Kevin sighed. He didn't think he knew how to uncomplicate it, either.

“I'll listen as long as I have to, to understand. I'll always be here for you, remember?”

Kevin turned his head so that only half of it was buried in the pillow, so he could smile gratefully at Arnold. He really didn't deserve such a great guy as his best friend.

 

“Ok. Just let me think?”

Arnold nodded happily and sat patiently while Kevin organized the words in his head.

“Ok, maybe I am gay. I don't know. I've never felt like this about any other guy before. And it's not like I want to... _do things_ with him. For all I know it's not even a crush. I just admire him. He's a good person, he's fun to be around, he's funny.”

Arnold had gotten a notepad from somewhere and was miming writing this down. If nothing else it made Kevin laugh.

“Kevin, would you be willing to answer a few questions honestly? I might be able to help.”

Kevin shrugged. “Sure. Why not?” He could think of a few reasons why not, mainly embarrassment, but he ignored it.

“Kay, so, first. Do you find him attractive?”

“I mean, objectively? Yeah.”

Arnold nodded seriously. “Could you explain why?”

Kevin blushed. _So, this would be where the embarrassment comes in._ “Um, his freckles are kinda cute, I guess? And his hair is so _fluffy._ His eyes are such a beautiful shade of blue, and that one time he got a sunburn because his skin is so _damn_ pale, it made the color _pop_ , and blue never used to be my favorite color, but now?” Hey, he wanted honest.

Arnold's eyebrows rose, but thankfully he elected not to comment. “Do you think about him a lot?”

“Define a lot.”

“The fact that you have to ask pretty much answers that question, but whatever. Do you find your thoughts wandering to him, occasionally, when your not really doing anything in particular? Or do random things remind you of him? Or even just things he's said or done stuck in your head for a while.”

Kevin nodded.

“Does your heart race when your near him? Or thinking about him?”

He nodded again.

“And you said you've never thought about having sex with him”, Arnold asked with a sly grin.

The blush came back with a vengeance. “I've never thought about sex with _anyone_.”

That gave Arnold pause. “ _No one?_ Have you ever thought about anything even remotely sexual? Not just sex, _anything.”_

Kevin sat up ramrod straight. “Um, no, never. Is that bad?” He was starting to panic. Was there something _wrong_ with him?

Arnold hesitated a bit until he noticed Kevin's urgency, “Ok. Most important question. Have you ever heard of the term 'Asexual' before?”

“No. Why? What does it mean?”

 

____________________________

 

Whizzer made the biggest mistake of his life when he ran into the man-quite literally- when he was at the store buying more film for his camera. He'd run into Cordelia, who was doing some grocery shopping-she was always doing some grocery shopping-and as he turned to leave, he'd remembered he'd wanted to tell her that his brother was coming back to the states. She'd wanted to meet him for a while. But, he'd kept walking backwards as he was talking-which was apparently a bad habit to get into.

“Oh, by the way, Corde-oof!” He'd run into something, then seconds later he heard that something hit the floor. He turned around hurriedly to see not a something. A someone. A man in his mid-20's was sitting on the ground, head bowed in a circle of different assorted chips. He was short with curly, brown hair, wearing the most Dad outfit Whizzer had ever seen. Someone his age had no business wearing something like that.

Khaki pants, a plaid button-up, and an absolutely hideous tie. It almost hurt to look at. Scratch that. It _did_ hurt to look at.

“What _are_ you wearing?”

The man looked up, incredulously. He had gorgeous steel blue eyes. “What? _That's_ what your going to start with?”

He was still on the ground. Was he waiting for something? “Oh. Sorry, I didn't see you there”, he offered his hand and the man took it with a huff. “My name's Whizzer. You?”

“Whizzer? That. That's not a name. Are you fucking with me?” Marvin put his hand to his forehead in confusion. Whizzer huffed angrily. Could no one just accept his name at face value?

“Yeah, I get that a lot. What's your name”, he asked pointedly.

The man smirked. “Marvin. Nothing so... _exotic”,_ strange _, “_ as Whizzer, but I get by.”

Was that the man's idea of _flirting_? Oh, the poor soul. Still...he was kinda cute. In a dorky sort of way.

“Well, Marvin. How would you like to get a drink with me sometime?”

Marvin's smirk grew wider, and if Whizzer didn't know any better he'd think he'd been played. But, he did know better. He could see the _fear_ in Marvin's eyes. Like he'd rather be anywhere else than chatting up some guy he'd just met the local mall. He'd either just recently found out he was into guys, or he'd known a while, but had never tried it out before.

Whizzer wasn't particularly fond of either option.

“How about now? If you're free, that is”, Marvin offered. Interesting.

“You're a day drinker? Would not have pegged you for that.”

“You've known me for five minutes. How could you have pegged me for anything”, he asked, affronted. Then, he looked down, sheepish. “And I meant coffee, anyway.”

“Oh, that's cute.”

“Excuse me? Aren't I older than you”, he demanded.

“Probably. How old are you?”

“26.”

“Then, yes, you are. Why?”

“Then why are you talking to me like I'm a child?” Oh. He sounded genuinely angry.

“Because, you may be older than me, but you're new to this, I can tell. And that makes you naive.”

“We live in New York. Trust me, I'm not new to this, and I'm not naive.”

“Alright, coffee it is.” He leaned into Marvin's ear and whispered, “And maybe when that's over with, we can go back to my place.”

“Good.” Oooh, Whizzer had always loved a challenge.

It wasn't until the next morning that he realized there was a wedding ring on Marvin's finger.

Fuck.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey let's play a game! It's called Watch The Asexual Who's Never Been In Love Describe Love 
> 
> I felt cringey just writing that part. Did I do Good? Or no? Please let me know! Or about anything else that stood out to you in this chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this has officially gone into AU territory. Timeline wise.

Whizzer woke up slowly. He was comfortable and warm. It had been longer than he was willing to admit since he'd woken up in someone's arms. Usually, his flings left before he woke up, which wasn't particularly difficult. He'd always been a heavy sleeper and he hated waking up early. But, hey if Marvin wanted to play the whole act, who was he to stop him.

Marvin's arm was draped around his waist. Whizzer grabbed his hand to move it so he could get up, and that's when he felt it. He looked down, horrified. A small, unassuming, golden band. A wedding ring. He recoiled.

“Marvin, wake up, or so help me”, he yelled, not caring about being gentle anymore, shaking him by the shoulder violently. He did not like to get in between marriages. It was messy, never ended well, and never failed to make him feel like piece of shit. He was nobody's mistress, goddamn it!

“Huh!? What? What time is it”, Marvin asked, groggily. His words were heavily slurred with sleep and hardly understandable.

“I don't give a damn what time it is! You're married? Care to explain why you didn't tell me?”

Marvin pushed himself up against the headboard and rubbed his eye with the heel of his palm. “I thought you knew. I wasn't exactly hiding it”, he replied in a slightly more coherent voice, “Why do you care, again?”

“Why? Do I actually have to explain to you why cheating on your wife is fucked up? You didn't even take the ring off last night before we had sex. And that brings up a whole slew of issues we could talk about!” Was this guy an idiot?

“I'm not cheating, and I thought that by leaving the ring on, it was making it pretty damn clear.”

“Well, you thought wr-! Come again? How are you not cheating? How is you fucking another person while you are _married_ ”, Whizzer made sure to put emphasis on that word, “not cheating?” 

“She knows I'm doing this. Well, not at this very moment, she doesn't, but we made a deal a long time ago. She's fucking my psychiatrist, has been for a while”, Marvin said, casually as can fucking be.

Whizzer couldn't remember a time he'd been so confused. “Why?”

“When we were seventeen, and I was still trying to figure everything out, we got very drunk, and she got pregnant. We decided to get married so as to avoid all the custody battles and visitation rights.”

“Uh, abortion?”

“Nope. It terrified her.”

“...More than having a baby with, and marrying, a man she didn't even love?”

Marvin huffed out a laugh, “Yeah, I know. It helps that her father threatened me at gunpoint. Plus, it wasn't the kid's fault for us being morons.”

“So, do you even love each other? 'Cause your gay, and she's fucking your shrink. Which, not gonna lie, I can understand why you need one.”

“Look, just because I don't love her vagina, doesn't mean I don't love her. Love isn't sex.”

Whizzer could only shake his head in bewilderment.

“So, are we continuing this, or not”, Marvin asked, having sat in silence a few minutes to let Whizzer process.

Whizzer sighed, “I'm gonna have to confirm all this with your wife. What's her name?”

“Trina.”

“Right. If Trina says you're lying, that's an immediate no. But, if not, then _fuck it_ , I guess. Why not?”

Whizzer glanced at the digital clock on his nightstand. The neon green numbers read  _10:37._ He sighed, and walked over to his closet, knowing full well he was giving Marvin a show, and selected hid attire for the day.

“I need a shower, feel free to leave whenever you want”, he called behind him as he shut the bathroom door. Marvin was not invited. Yet.

“When you get out, could you make breakfast? I'm going back to sleep.”

Whizzer whipped the door back open and nearly growled, “Get the fuck out of here before I toss you out on your ass”, and shut the door again. He could hear Marvin's laughter echo through the room.

________________________

 

“I didn't know Kevin was so afraid of flying.”

“Yeah, you should have seen him on the way here. He held onto the armrest so hard it looked like it was gonna crack. The _entire_ fifteen hour flight. Or, at least, I think he did. I slept most of the way. He was like that when I fell asleep and when I woke up, so, he'll probably end up like that again”, Arnold said sympathetically.

The entire drive to the airport Kevin had gotten progressively paler. And now that they were  _there_ , he looked practically ghost white. He gripped his bag like it was the only thing keeping him from fainting, and he was visibly shaking. Connor wanted to help, but honestly, what could he do? Oh well, their seats were right next to each other, he'd figure something out.

 

After the long and arduous process of actually getting on the plane,(the long lines, going through all the checks, the lines, security, the inevitable frisking, baggage, the  _lines_ ), they found their seat numbers, and Kevin immediately latched onto the armrest like Arnold had predicted.

 

“So, planes, huh”, Connor asked awkwardly.

 

“You have no room to talk Mr. Kevin-there's-a-spider-in-my-room”, Kevin said, rather more viciously than he'd meant to. Connor figured he could give him a pass this time on account of the situation.

“That was one time, and it was huge. I can deal with them on my own for the most part. And you were scared of it, too.” It had turned out to be an Ogre-Faced Spider, and thanks, but Connor hadn't particularly _cared_ what it was. He just cared that it had been nearly three fucking inches long, and that it was sitting on his bed.

When Kevin had heard him scream when he saw it _on his bed, thank you,_ he'd come running, thinking someone had died, or something. Which to be fair hadn't been that unfounded, but when he'd seen the spider, the first words out of his mouth were: _What the fuck is that thing?!_ Then he told Connor to keep an eye on it in case it went anywhere and went to go find a very large jar.

So what if they ended up getting a starring role in his nightmares for a week after that. And so what if he maybe slept on the couch in the main room, and didn't step foot in his and Chris's room for three days.

He wished Chris was here, but he and James were on a separate plane going home. Connor, Kevin, and Arnold were on their way to New York to meet up with Whizzer. Because Kevin was avoiding the meeting with his mother.

 Kevin didn't respond. Connor sighed. Arnold would know how to help. Probably. Alas, his seat had been nowhere near there's.

“So, why are you afraid of flying?”

Kevin was visibly tense. His shoulders were stiff, he was sitting straight up in his seat, something he hadn't done for at least a year, and he was hardly moving. It didn't even look like he was breathing. He was like statue.

“I'm sorry”, Kevin laughed sarcastically, “Why am I afraid of being 10,000 feet in the air in a flying metal death trap? Take your pick from a list of reasons. I've studied aerodynamics, you know. At least, as much as you can without going to school for it, and you know what I've decided? These things shouldn't be able to get off the ground.”

“Well, if there's anything humans excel at, it's doing things we shouldn't be able to do.”

“This isn't funny”, Kevin said, glaring at Connor.

“I'm not joking, Kevin. I'm sorry it seems like I am. I'm just concerned and don't know what to do. You look like you're about to have a heart attack.”

“Anxiety attack, actually, but I suppose either works.” Kevin didn't know if he actually had an Anxiety Disorder or if he just got...overwhelmed more easily, now. After Uganda.

“Oh, I've an idea. We're going to Disney World, right? I've never been. Why don't you tell me what it's like.” That seemed to perk Kevin's interest.

“You've _never_ been to Disney World?!”

“Well, I mean, I've been to Disney _Land._ Does that count for anything”, Connor answered, meekly. He didn't know it was that big a deal.

Kevin looked slightly ashamed for him. “I guess, but World is better. Way better. Plus, we're not just going there, we're going to Orlando. There's more than just Disney in Orlando.”

All it took was a interested look from Connor to get Kevin from agonizing about the flight to rambling, border-line ranting, about the amazing sights and places in Orlando. If nothing else, it distracted him until the seat belt sign came on.

“Takeoff is always the worst part”, Connor tried to reassure him. It didn't work.

They put there seat belts on and waited until the plane started to move, at which point Kevin huddled down as far in his seat as physically possible and whimpered, which he would deny until the day he died.

 

_______________________

 

“Marvin, come on, wake up. I have to get to the airport, and you're coming with me.”

“Why are you going to the airport at five in the morning”, Marvin asked without lifting his head from the pillow or even opening his eyes.

Whizzer rolled his eyes. “I'm picking up my brother, remember?”

Marvin groaned, “And why do I have to go? The sun's not even up yet. I don't wanna be, either.”

Whizzer jabbed him harshly in the ribs, and Marvin flailed. “OW!”

“Wake up. You're going because you agreed to. It's an hour's drive and I don't want to go alone, that'd be so boring.”

Marvin groaned again and rolled over. So his back was facing Whizzer. “How are you so awake?”

“Seeing my brother has that effect on me”, he said, being deliberately facetious. In reality, the only reason he was awake at all was because he never went to sleep. Say what you will, but Whizzer was amazingly self aware. If he had gone to sleep, he wouldn't be getting up this early if someone threatened him at gunpoint.

He usually didn't even go to bed until at least two in the morning, anyway, so it wasn't that big a deal.

“Now, get up. I'm going to make breakfast, and if you're not conscious by the time it's done, I'm throwing it on you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a couple things.
> 
> One, I didn't create Kevin being afraid of flying. I saw it on Tumblr, but I can't for the life of me find that person again. So, if any of you know, please tell me so I can credit them for it.
> 
> Two, I've been trying to make the chapters longer, but as you can probably tell, that hasn't worked out. So my question is should I say fuck it and leave it be and just do whatever length, or make them longer from now on?
> 
> I genuinely want your guys' opinions this.


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